Going on vacation with your spouse's children, nephew, niece or even a school friend of your child is not always easy. Better to be aware of it. Fifth episode of our series "How to occupy your children on vacation".
Atlantico: Adults often go on vacation with children who are not their own: children of friends, nephews, nieces, spouse's children... How to manage the summer period well with these children? Should we approach activities differently when they are not our children?
Edwige Antier: Yes, we take a friend of our child because that way he will be less bored; and the child (or children) of our companion because it is his period with his children. But it's not the same atmosphere: your child's boyfriend can be adorable or irritating, he's the flesh buddy of your flesh, you will have a natural indulgence... The child "of the other", c he's the child of his previous life: whatever your good dispositions, if you haven't prepared yourself psychologically, the atmosphere could quickly become electric!
In our society, many families are blended families. How to propose an activity to a child who is not his? Is the pedagogy different? If yes, why ?
Tell yourself first that, whatever it costs you, this child has come to spend some quiet time with his father (or mother). Children often say this word to me: "quiet". For example, they really want to find themselves from father to child, and you are an added part, perhaps hated by his mother, the ex-partner of your spouse? Seeing you walk ahead, walking hand in hand with his father, having to respect your naps… it's very painful. So let your companion choose the activities according to his child (even if you don't agree), either you follow, or you take the opportunity to hunt around, read a book on your side... By this respect for their complicity, you will be adopted.
What position should the mother-in-law or father-in-law adopt to avoid conflicts, especially during the holidays: authoritarian or not? Do we tend to "seduce" other people's children (for example by spoiling them more to avoid conflicts)?
You cannot "order" him/her, he/she is not your child, you are not entitled to give orders. The seduction will quickly wear itself out, the child will feel its forced aspect. It is respect for the child that will protect you from exhausting conflicts.. Think that it's not easy for him to find himself with a father in love with someone other than his mother. Too bad for demonstrations of love, avoid. Tell him: "Tell me if you want to be alone with dad, no problem!" But do not spoil him especially, while understanding that he needs small pleasures: a newspaper from Mickey, a small shell for his mother... Never criticize his father "who passes everything to him" or his mother "who should cut the cord". It's none of your business!
Are the activities you do with your children and those you do with your partner's children the same? No, these are not the same activities because everyone has their education. In order not to become a goat with different programs, let your partner (or companion) choose for her child and you for yours. No one like the parent himself knows what is needed for his child… What are the issues when one leaves as a blended family? How is this period conducive to family reunions? I hope you reserve your lovemaking for times without the children and that you are available for them. The danger is to invite a friend of the other's child, telling yourself that in this way, he will be busy, will live his life and will leave you a little alone as a couple.. Danger because in adolescence, he will no longer be able to do without friends, will get up late, will come home late and will become a stranger who lives in a gang! Better to devote yourself to his well-being with you, so that he adopts you, and that he claims you! A great victory for a lifetime ahead of you!
Interview by Manon Hombourger.
source: Atlantico.fr
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