In Bobigny polygamy: 1 man, 4 women, 46 children...

With his four wives and 46 children, Adama (1) was a happy man. This fifties, able to recite in order the first names of his descendants, reigned over his suburban house. Between the five bedrooms of the house, life was organized as it could », he says on the phone. First a cleaner, he stopped working when the amount of family allowances became sufficient to feed his people (2). In the village in northern Mali where he grew up, we speak of his success with admiration. He wants it to continue. He therefore did not give any particular echo to the upheaval he has just experienced: two of his wives have moved away, a third dreams of imitating them. They are engaged in a decohabitation », the administrative term for leaving polygamy.

« It took us ten years to get here », says Fanta Sangaré, energetic president of the Association of Relay Women of Bobigny, in Seine-Saint-Denis. His first meeting with Adama took place at the request of social services. With the other polygamous households that she accompanies, the starting point was comparable: children attract the attention of a social worker or a teacher; but their parents flee the institutions and have all the difficulty in the world to speak French. Difficult to help them.

All of them happen to be from Mali. Fanta Sangare too. The former bush teacher understands digressions in Soninke, confidences in Bambara. She discusses, tames. Hears the pride of the husband, the arguments of the co-wives, the fatigue of the children. Waking up at no time to take a shower before school. The hot water tank is still empty. The queue in front of the toilet door. Meals taken in turn. Homework done in the stairwell. Shared beds. The constant noise. The lack of privacy. Fanta Sangaré listens to these stories which all look alike. Then she recalls the rule of the Republic: the need to break with polygamy to obtain a renewal of residence permits. A terrible prospect for those who have always been taught that this tradition was an ideal of social organization coupled with a divine requirement. These are traditional arranged marriages, celebrated one summer "in the country", where love has not always settled, but all the same: " Leaving one's husband is unclean », repeat the women. " God didn't ask that your children be crammed twenty into one room », replies Fanta Sangaré.

Week after week, the idea is gaining ground. Until the day when women take ownership of the desire to have their own home. As a sign of good faith, they must look for it in another municipality. Hands holding her black and purple veil, Aminata recounts the three years of steps that were necessary for her to regularize her situation. She left La Courneuve for Bobigny with her four youngest children. When a wife leaves, shame falls on her husband. " His wife stole his pants, now he wears the loincloth! », he hears behind her. Adama prefers not to think about it. He now takes the RER to honor the mothers of his children. A hypocritical decohabitation? " Of course, admits Fanta Sangaré. We are also criticized for creating single-parent families. But if it helps children thrive and women become empowered, it's worth it. »

These women, in fact, have never lived alone, never had a job or managed a budget. They don't know how to use a bank card or write a check. It was their husband who received the family allowances, paid the bills and did the shopping. " They were always infantilized » , insists Fanta Sangaré. " It was very complicated at the beginning to live at home., confirms Salli, a young mother of eight children. She left her husband to his co-wife and became a housekeeper. To be completely like the others ", she is trying to perfect her mastery of French. The mysterious 'bedspread', 'seahorse' and 'igloo' that she discovers during the literacy class give her the impression that she is still far from the goal. But her friends know her a new smile.

(1) The first names have been changed.
(2) The Family Allowance Fund pays €441,48 per month for four children under 20, plus €158,78 for each additional child. That is €1.394 for 10 children, €2.981 for 20 children, €4.569 for 30 children, €6.157 for 40 children. Not to mention any housing assistance.